motherless child

I am grateful for everything I have today.


Yes, maybe I want new clothes just like any mother would buy for her daughters.
Maybe I want to have make-up advice from her.
Maybe, once in a while, I want to call her and tell her how much I miss her.
Maybe I want to tell people how tasty is her cooking.
Maybe, you know, I want her to scold me for doing a bad thing, just to get the mood right.
Maybe I want to brag to people that I have a gift from her.
Maybe I just want to have a walk with her in the morning or the evening.
Or, maybe I just want to hug her and say I'm sorry.
Maybe I just want to tell her, not my friends, on how upset I am and maybe she could cheer me up.


Yes, I have 2 sisters and a father.
I even bought my first bra with my dad.
Luckily, I had my first period when I was 13 (or 12) so I didn't cry.
He had to drive me everywhere.
My sisters, are not my mother.
They don't know how to be one, yet.

I don't have to wonder where I have my temper from.
They were lucky enough to have spent more time with her than I get to.

Sometimes, I am a little confused of who's protecting who.



Maybe for someone who doesn't have a mother, I asked for too much.

monster in my closet

For years, I hid a savage monster in my closet

I don’t want people to know he exists in the corner of my room.

He’s an embarrassment and nothing to be proud of.

So I’ve kept him hidden.

Nonetheless, he was there.

He was so strange that I find him as an amusement.

I used to despise him.

but he makes me feel like there was so much more.

Without me to realise, he was haunting me.

I don’t ever want anybody to know that I hid a hideous monster.

I’ve seen what he was capable of, and it was terrifying.

There is something almost angelic about him.

but for the most part, he was just a devil. 

He's the monster I adore.

He's the monster I hate. 

He's the wrong reason.

I realised,

There is no way I can kill this monster,

For he is purely immortal.

he was what I’ve made him into.

And I was becoming him..

sorry dear...

as a friend, i don't care...

but, as a girl, yes, i really care.

sorry dear. your words make me hurt inside.

next time, if u feel happy, keep your words inside your heart. i don't want to listen it anymore.

sorry. too many of your stories make me hurt. silently.

and i don't want to be like this.

life must go on.

sorry. aku kecewa dgn sikap kamu.

*demmm, pehal aku gini?!*

asking nicely doesn't kill you

SO ASK NICELY!!!

this is exactly why i hate it here..this is the reason why.

when you scream, it doesn't even make me twitch,

neither it makes me respect you more,

it just adds to a long list of why i despise what you did.

i thought that now you're a grown up, then you'd change..

i'm dead wrong.

i'm different now compared to the years before.

i no longer do what you ask blindly.

that used to be me.