Mimpi lama

Mimpi ni aku alami masa mula-mula nak berubah dulu. Dalam banyak-banyak mimpi, aku rasa mimpi ni paling merubah kehidupan aku.

....................

Aku keluar dari rumah, sambil memimpin tangan anak lelakiku.
Aku berpakaian jubah hitam.
Di sebelah lagi tangan, aku memegang Al-Quran.
Anak lelaki aku sibuk nak pegang dan baca Al-Quran.
Aku tak bagi,
sebab aku nak baca.

Bila aku selak Al-Quran aku,
kosong...
Takde ayat Al-Quran.
Semua dah hilang.
Aku menangis.
Mula menyesal sebab banyak lagi surah aku tak hafal dan amalkan.
Anak aku pelik dengan aku.

Di lorong jalan tu,
Ada 2 orang lelaki duduk di tepi.
Mereka duduk bersebelahan, bersila.
Seorang berjubah,
mukanya tidak jelas.
Seorang lagi jelas rupanya,
tidak berjubah.

Yang tidak berjubah itu menangis melihat aku.
"Boleh jadi kiamat itu esok", katanya.
Dia menangis teresak-esak.
Aku takut.
Merasa sesak.

.....................................

Aku terus terjaga.
Dengan degupan jantung yang maha dahsyat.
Aku takut.
Sangat takut.
Aku menangis di atas katil.

Astaghfirullah-al-azim...
Dasyat sungguh dosa silam aku.

"Boleh jadi kiamat itu esok.."

Aku ingat ayat tu sampai hari ni.

Memang aku berubah terus lepas tu. Tapi, selalu jugak aku terjatuh semula.
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah aku. Kuatkanlah aku.
Jadikan aku sentiasa ikhlas kerana Mu.
Jadikanlah aku orang yang sentiasa bergantung harap denganMu Ya Allah..
Ampunilah dosa-dosaku, dan orang-orang yang dekat dihatiku, Ya Allah...
Ampunilah dosa kami, sama ada dosa yang kami sedar, atau pun tidak sedar..

Amin.

Mimpi di malam hari

Semalam aku mimpi,
tak ingat pulak susur galurnya..
tetiba je sampai di situ.

Aku dalam kedai.
Kedai tu ala-ala bodyshop.
Lantai berkayu oak yang berwarna cerah.
Aku pergi dengan beberapa orang kawan,
tapi tak ingat siapa.
Dalam kedai tu ada ramai orang,
tapi tak ramai sangatlah.
Semua tengah sibuk belek barang.

Ada kekecohan sikit dekat kaunter.
Aku jauh sikit, dekat dengan pintu keluar.
kaunter tu ada kat bahagian dalam sikit.
Lepas tu aku tengok ada api dekat kaunter,
tanda akan ada letupan.
Aku mula cuak.
Kedai tu dibarisi dengan tingkap kaca.
Semua orang mula jerit.
Aku terus meniarap atas lantai.
Sambil tu mengesot untuk pergi ke depan rak jual barang yang solid.
Sebab tempat tu paling selamat.
Aku tahu aku kena lindung kepala aku dari kaca yang berterbangan.
Aku tekup tangan kat kepala aku.
Waktu tu, ramai orang yang sangat panik.
Diorang tak meniarap pun.
cuma berlari mahu pergi ke arah pintu keluar.
Tapi letupan boleh berlaku sekejap je.
Kaca pun berterbangan.
Bunyi kuat pun dapat dengar.
Letupan tu pun buatkan sesetengah meletup dan terbakar,
ada yang diterbangkan.
Aku?
masih meniarap di balik rak.
Memejamkan mata rapat.
Takut.

Lepas letupan dah habis,
aku bangun..
tengok sekeliling.
Semua dah musnah.
Mayat bergelimpangan.
Orang yang berhampiran aku pun menjerit kesakitan,
sambil seluruh badannya disalut darah.
Orang luar hanya mampu menolong orang yang tercedera.
Mereka tolong padamkan api,
tarik mayat keluar.

Aku?
Aku selamat,
tak cedera parah.
Tapi muka aku merah disalut darah.
aku bangun,
keluar.
Tapi aku berjalan dengan terketar-ketar.

Kawan yang berada di luar bertanya,
"kau ok?"
Aku hanya mengangguk kepala.
Sambil tu, aku duduk,
masih terketar-ketar.
Aku lapkan muka,
menitis darah dari muka aku.
Masih takut.

.......................................................

Al-farisi 2011.

fruitful, fearful, and foolish day for a normal friday

Assalamualaikum and hi,

We all have a life, and each one is different to others. We all have to learn through a different way. Thats what makes us unique.

Sometimes, when you failed in a little test at school, you know you have to give your another best shot in the upcoming test. Don't dwell in it and rub it in your face like it's the end of the world.

I'm telling you this, even though I am not a wise person. But I think I'm smart enough to learn from my experiences. I try not to fall in the same hole more than once, but sometimes, you just happened to fall more than twice in the same hole.

Just be cool with it, and learn from it. Do your best for the next shot which surely will come to you. I am sorry, but if you fail in your 20% test, or in your driving license, or whatever, that is not the biggest problem in your life yet. The worst hasn't come to you yet. Trust me. It is my conclusion that the people who usually quit and give up in the first minute they were mocked by challenges, are losers. Unless, they know they are, and they want to change that. And they DO change. That alone, will make them a winner. Even if they lose in the end. It takes a lot more of hard work and concern when you are not born a winner and trying to be one. It is just is..

I have travelled to many places, and I did not go the easy way. It was pretty tough. I've felt cold to the bone, without nothing to eat, I've been homeless, lost, hurt, humiliated, misunderstood... You name it, I've got it all covered.

"Why don't you look so serious then?" 

I am serious when I need to. But I also don't take things too seriously. Why bother take life so seriously if you won't get out of it alive anyway? As long as you live by the rules of Allah, and you do what is right. Plus, if you are a clever person, you will always remember to be careful to the ones who never gets angry, and/or the quite ones. Let me put it in this way, if someone never ever complaints about your cookings before, and suddenly one day, he starts to say that your cooking is too sweet today, listen to him.

Believe me, if I start to be so serious in anything I do, everyone around me would be crazy. I would be crazy as well. There were some certain points in my life, when I went through some difficult times, I just stop feeling. It is easier that way. It seemed like a good idea at the moment, but then I realised it is also impossible not to feel.

I met a friend which I am really close to. She is like a sister to me. I do love her. We both share the same feeling of losing our loved ones. While listening to her story, I couldn't help but just stare into the darkness. This is the exact feeling that I hate. The feeling of losing. I don't know how to describe it. it's like your chest hurts, your chest really hurts. It even feels heavy to breathe. The thing is. when someone is gone, our memories about that person also will be gone. Not all of them at once, but bits by bits. The way they smile, how they smell like, things they like to do, even how they look like. We have already lost someone precious before. the question is, when will be your time to part with your loved ones?

Nasihat kubur

Kubur berpesan pada kita:

1. Aku adalah tempat yang paling gelap antara yang gelap. Maka terangilah aku dengan TAHAJJUD.

2. Aku adalah tempat yang paling sempit. Maka luaskanlah aku dengan berSILATURRAHIM.

3. Aku adalah tempat yang paling sepi. Maka, ramaikanlah dengan memperbanyakkan bacaan AL-QURAN.

4. Aku adalah tempatnya binatang yang menjijikkan. Maka, racunilah ia dengan AMAL SEDEKAH.

5. Aku yang menyempitmu hingga hancur bilamana tidak solat. Bebaskan sempitan itu dengan SOLAT.

6. Aku adalah tempat untuk merendammu dengan cairan yang amat sakit. Bebaskan rendaman itu dengan PUASA.

7. Aku adalah tempat malaikat Munkar dan Nakir bertanya. Persiapkanlah jawapanmu dengan memperbanyak ucapan kalimah LAAILAHAILLALLAH.

welcome back,BOSANNNN!!!

ni yang aku selalu rasa bila nak balik hostel..
asal ek??
padahal nak cedok ilmu, nak hadam ilmu
bukan salah pun kan...

aihhh,kenape laa susah nak jadi macam orang normal yg tau tanggungjawab diri sendiri

papepun selamat berjuang melawan nafsu bosannnnnn + malasssssss


P/S: aku mnaip ni pun sebab bosan jugak

MajlisIlmu.Com: Prof Dr Muhaya Muhamad - Islam Itu Indah IkimFM : ...

Assalamualaikum. Hi everyone! Check it out~ :D

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Emo #(yang entah kali keberapa)

Firstly, hi and Assalamualaikum.

Second, whatever I'm gonna say, it is sincerely from my heart.

Third, if you agree or disagree, from all aspects with good reasons, I respect you.

Fourth, I hope you can respect me too~

Today I feel sad 'cuz someone have tried to betray me. Tried to backstab me. I don't know why that person really want to do this to me... Do I really naive to you? Do I look like a nerd , geek so you can cheat on me? Duh... =.= I really misjudge you my dear. Okeh. People might says, "Don't judge a book by its cover. Same as people." I really thought you such a kind person. Yet, how come you do such things to me? I really sad la.

okeh dah. Habis takat tu je.

Frankly speaking, hati aku memang tak tenang tapi mak aku pesan. 

Kalau hati tak tenang, pergi ambil wudhu'. Pergi solat.

Short one, but nice. Terkesan di hati. Thanks mak.

gambar shark dalam entri emo. ohsem. =.=

One of my friend also told me to do solah (prayer). If you want release tension, completely, then seek for Allah. Why? HE knows me well. HE knows what is in our little hearts. Allahu... make our path easier for us, Allah... I learn from my mistakes. I really hope that person learns from the mistakes too. People are not created with perfectly characteristics. So, there are possibilities for people to hurt others. What I need to do is, learn to adapt and handle the situation better from day to day.

Jadikanlah sabar dan solat itu penolongmu. Dan sesungguhnya yang demikian itu sungguh berat, kecuali orang-orang yang khusyuk. (And seek help (from Allah) through patience and prayer; and most surely it is a hard thing, save upon the humble.) (Al-Baqarah, verse 45)

Found from facebook,

If Allah s.w.t. loves you, He tests you.

Remember that.

Hearts #2

Dan apa jua yang menimpa kamu daripada sesuatu kesusahan (ataupun bala bencana), maka itu disebabkan apa yang kamu lakukan (daripada perbuatan-perbuatan yang salah dan berdosa); dan (dalam pada itu) Allah memaafkan sebahagian besar dari dosa-dosa kamu.

-[Asy-Syu'ara, ayat 30]

Hearts #1

Just like how the most beautiful days will eventually have their sunsets, the bruises from your worst days  will also eventually heal. Hold on. (Aisyah Shakirah, 2013).